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Dustin LindenSmith

father | musician | writer

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The Halifax Jazz Festival began last night, and I asked Jerry to join me for a show at the late-night venue tonight, a great tenor saxophonist from Toronto via Cape Breton named Kirk MacDonald. He played with a classic tenor trio -- tenor, bass and drums, no piano -- and he played some of the most astounding music I've ever heard on the saxophone from anybody, even the greats like Sonny and Coltrane. Kirk seemed pretty relaxed about the whole affair, but he played some totally incredible stuff tonight that really blew me away. I couldn't stop talking about it afterwards. His sound was so full, his lines so smooth, his phrasing so intriguing; he kept my attention glued to him continuously throughout the set.

It was great to see Jerry -- seeing him is always a reminder that there is life outside of my own microcosm here, and I appreciate that reminder whenever it comes. Even with my twice-weekly commute for work and busy schedule full of client conference calls and meetings, I often feel like I live an insular existence in our home here, seldom venturing farther than absolutely necessary and seldom reaching out farther than LJ-land.

Tomorrow, B's on call from 9 AM till 9 AM Monday, but I plan to go for a long run in the morning with Z and also probably ride down for a visit at the hospital with Z in her bike seat. We went for a quick 10K ride this afternoon which she didn't enjoy too much (lots of climbing, and lots of bumps in the road -- she squirmed around a lot and also kicked the backs of my legs incessantly), but hopefully tomorrow, when I remember to bring her pacifier along, she'll just conk out and go to sleep en route as she usually does.

Naomi Klein, of No Logo fame, wrote a book last year about why parenthood can be such a drag and how it's okay not to love your children unconditionally. Sometimes in Z's first year (obviously, when she was in prolonged bad moods and such), I agreed with Klein in principle, but I realized today that my attitude on that front is changing wholly and changing fast. I'm really falling in love with my little girl, and it's because she's really starting to interact with me a lot more. She's expressing herself quite clearly now (still without much language, but she is rich in gesture and vocal inflection), and she demonstrates real affection for me many times each day. More than I can count, actually. She gives me countless kisses and hugs, and comes up to me at random, frequent intervals with her arms stretched out and a big smile on her face, saying "HI!" with an almost-silent "H" and asking to be picked up for a hug. Nothing I've experienced yet in this lifetime feels quite so rewarding as watching her run over to me with that look of joy on her face and her arms outstretched. She makes me feel like the singularly most important and most fully-loved person in the world when she does that. At the very least, it's a tremendous and wonderful feeling.

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robertstheology July 20th, 2003
Glad you enjoyed the music so.
I love hearing about your experiences
with your little girl.

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