Dustin LindenSmith

father | musician | writer

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Canadian blonde joke

A blonde woman in Vancouver was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her tottering on the edge of the pier, crying. He took pity on her and said, "Look, you have so much to live for. I'm off to Hawaii in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer, he slipped his arm round her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy and you'll keep me happy." The blonde nodded. After all, what did she have to lose? Perhaps a fresh start in Hawaii would give her life new meaning.

That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and then they made passionate love until dawn. Two weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the Captain.

"What are you doing here?" the Captain asked.

"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "I get food and a trip to Hawaii, and in return he's screwing me."

"He certainly is," the Captain said. "You're on the ferry to Nanaimo."

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blorky May 24th, 2005

2005-05-23 23:08 (link) Delete
So the grandpa, having desired a pair of genuine Texas cowboy boots, scrimped and saved for a long time and finally purchased them. Feeling distinctly proud of them, he swaggers into the living room and asks, "Notice anything new about me?".

Grandma looks him up and down and sniffs, "Not really.". Hurt, he stomps off to the bedroom, takes off all of his clothes except for the boots and stomps back into the living room.

"Notice anything now?", he queries.

Grandma replies, "Nope. It's hanging down. It was hanging down yesterday and it'll be hanging down tomorrow."

Furious, Grandpa says, "Well maybe it's hanging down because it's trying to get a look at my new cowboy boots."

Grandma replies, "Well, maybe you should have gotten a cowboy *hat*."

chaizzilla June 27th, 2005
heheh have you had one of those nanaimo bars? they're killer sweet.

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