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Dustin LindenSmith

father | musician | writer

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Top 30 Facts About Chuck Norris

My cousin Marc just sent me this link, and even though I'm not a huge Norris fan or anything, I thought that the writing was great. Very funny hyperbole -- I dug it. Here's the full list of Top 30 Facts About Chuck Norris, but my faves are below:
-- Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
-- If at first you don't succeed, you're obviously not Chuck Norris.
-- When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
-- Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse -- horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
-- If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.
-- Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because he is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
-- To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
-- Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
One other funny thing about this is that after reading the whole list, I found that the words "Chuck Norris" stopped making any sense. That ever happen to you when you read a certain word over and over and over again? I remember that happening for the first time in my childhood. It was like my first koan -- I contemplated a certain word so hard and for so long that its meaning seemed to disintegrate before my very eyes. As I recall, the first word that happened to with me was the word smile.
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willowing January 26th, 2006
the first two of your favs already made me laugh outloud! hee! :) thanks

willowing January 26th, 2006
OMG! the rest is SO funny too - and YES, I know about when a word ceases to have all meaning, LOL. thanks so much, may I post too? :)

iamom January 26th, 2006
Of course -- please, no permission necessary.

grammardog January 26th, 2006
Those are hilarious!

The first word that fell apart in front of my eyes was "milk", probably when I first started eating cereal that didn't have a crossword on the back of the box and was forced to stare at the milk carton. I was like, "Milk. Milk. MILK. MILK?!?"

whonowz January 26th, 2006
Good ones, Thanks!

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