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Dustin LindenSmith

father | musician | writer

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caught in the act

B was on call yesterday, so I had the day to myself again. That no longer holds the same novelty it once did for me, but I do enjoy a slightly greater sense of freedom when I'm totally alone. At least insofar as the day's scheduling is concerned. But I can't say that when she's home, I have any constraints on my schedule anyway. I seem to do whatever I want most of the time, so all is good.

But anyway, while I was sitting in front of the computer yesterday morning, Sunday, and looking out the window at the lake, I caught myself having one of those funny metaphysical or meaning-of-life conversations with myself. Yesterday, the question was, "What do you do with your life and your attention if you've stopped wondering about what the meaning of life is?"

The answer came to me humourously, as I was gazing at the lake through the sun-soaked trees. "Um," I thought, "Maybe instead of sitting in here thinking about that, you're supposed to be outside enjoying it!" I laughed to myself, got properly dressed and took the dogs for a most enjoyable walk. Those guys get so wrangly if they're not exercised in the morning, it was a good time to do that anyway.

So, now that the jazz festival is over, I'll be able to return the distribution of my energy to its natural places. For example, I wasn't very productive at work last week because I was spending so much time at the festival. And I didn't spend much time with B because I was going to so many gigs in the evenings. I must admit a certain pleasure at watching the mind as I went through that relatively busy week, though. In the main, I was unperturbed no matter how hectic it got. I was also remarkably un-anally retentive about the way in which the festival was administrated. This is the first year that I've been on the board for the jazz festival, but even in past festivals I've complained to myself a lot about any number of things I felt should have been better planned or executed. This year, I just marveled at how many things actually got done, and how well the monster ran in general. I can't think of any problems that were memorable for longer than a day or so. That sounds like a success to me. Not that I can personally take any credit for the festival running smoothly, but I certainly appreciated it more than usual.