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Dustin LindenSmith

father | musician | writer

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Hornier than a...

Courtesy of Dilbert creator Scott Adams, I saw a news article about a German motorcyclist who had doctors build him a new penis when he lost one in a bike accident. Adams' musings about it were very funny. Quoted below:
Did you see the story about the German guy with two penises? He lost his original equipment in an accident, so doctors built him a new one. Later, he decided to upgrade, but doctors left the previous one until the new one took root, so to speak.


When his wife saw the new one, she packed her bags and left him. This raises many questions about what made the wife so mad. There are many possibilities.

I’ll always remember a conversation I overheard at the gym years ago. An unhappy wife was bitterly complaining to a friend that her husband bought a boat without talking to her first. Apparently wives need to be told everything. So I guess one possibility is that the husband didn’t consult his wife before spending their retirement savings on a third pecker that looks like Frankenstein’s month-old banana.

Another possibility is that the man said something inappropriate when he showed his wife his two penises. One can imagine many wrong things to say. Here is a partial list.

1. So, anyhoo, when is your sister coming out to visit?

2. The little one is for you.

3. I’m already a two-fisted drinker, so this just seemed right.

4. I bought the deluxe unicorn option. The next one goes on my head.

5. No more rest breaks for you, beeatch.

6. Maybe the doctors can give you two headaches so we’re even.

7. Now it will feel like throwing TWO pencils down a hallway.

Another possibility is that the man created his own penis design and it had some features that didn’t please his wife. Again, one can imagine many wrong design choices:

1. Bottle opener option

2. Anything with a face

3. A tattoo that says, “Hello Kitty!”

My point is that there were many ways to handle this situation wrong. You can see how a guy with one big head and two little ones might make the wrong choice.