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lookingup

Dustin LindenSmith

father | musician | writer


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lookingup

disappearing timeline

The new Radiohead is the bomb. It's a live album, and I've always wanted to see them play live. Good early morning music to wake you up.

The following might be hard to describe, but I want to try. As I've sunk deeper into this awareness of the Self in the past six months or so, I've noticed that I have a "to do" list associated with my old life. That is, I've had several things to wrap up or take care of (financial, job-related, whatever) that were left over from "before realization," if I can call it that. I've been slowly but steadily taking care of these last straggling details of my former life, and I feel like once I've finished, that the self as I previously knew it will be gone. These last "to do" items are the only strings that have kept my old self hanging around. My life "post-realization," if I can call it that, has brought about an understanding that there is nothing to be done; therefore, my life since that point is understandably simple: no questions, no problems, no sacrifices, no to-do list.

A little while ago, I felt something akin to bereavement for the dying away of that previous life and personality, but I've come to fully embrace that, now. I am the salt doll thrown into the ocean, instead of the boat being tossed about on the wavy surface.

I am I AM.

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essence November 21st, 2001
the live radiohead album is very good, indeed :)

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